By the grace of God and His blessing of wonderfully supportive family and friends to help keep me sane and focused on what's truly important in life, I have survived my penultimate semester of college. As I sit here at my kitchen table in the boondocks of Indiana staring at a Christmas tree we still need to decorate and a snow-less water-bogged wood, with Christmas piano music playing softly in the background, I find it difficult to sum up all the ways that The Lord has challenged, grown, and healed me in the past months. I have been pushed nearly to what felt like a breaking point mentally and emotionally at various points. Yet, every time God has placed a challenge in my path or allowed me to feel a deep sense of heartache, He has never left me to face it alone; He has surrounded me with people who point me to His agape perfect love and the Truth of His Promises in His Word. Hm... John 1... The Word became flesh and dwelt among us... Interesting "Christmas-y" tie in that just kind of flew from my fingers...
These past few weeks I have been so intensely focused on my own academic world and the expectations associated with it that the Advent preparations have slipped by me. I do not feel very "Christmas-y" yet, and as much as I wish that I could flip some type of a switch and somehow transport my brain back to the child-like excitement and anticipation for Christmas, I know that Christmas as a holiday will come and go in a flash whether or not I am prepared for it. Isn't that just how life goes though? It seems to fly by even if we feel out of control or lost or unprepared.
In reflecting on my "not yet Christmas-y" feelings, I am realizing that while anticipation is exciting and can be quite fun, its not a single day of the year that we're waiting for. Advent isn't about waiting for December 25 only to feel a sense of loss on the 26th. Jesus' coming as the Saviour of the world is an every day celebration, or at least it ought to be, in the life of the Christian. Why can we celebrate that Jesus died and rose for us on Easter? Because first He came as a babe in a feed trough thirty years earlier! Why can we celebrate that we are God's beloved, forgiven, and redeemed children? Because God saw our deep need for salvation and in His mercy (which by the way, means love meeting a need) sent Christ Jesus into a dark and sinful world to be our Light.
So I don't really feel like it ought to be Christmas already... oh well! It's not about me at all anyway! Every day God gives me breath I can wake up in the head and heart knowledge that my loving God saw my greatest need as I wallowed in a lost estate without hope, yet He did not leave me to remain in despair. He sent Hope Himself to be the Saviour this dark world needed. In my baptism, I am Jesus' and He is mine. THAT is a solid Truth that is not reliant on my fickle feelings.
My prayer this day three days prior to Christmas:
Holy Babe of Bethlehem, I'm easily overwhelmed by the seeming impossibility of facing an unknown future. Lord Jesus, you came as my only Saviour from sin and death and entered my broken realm. You are Truth, Light, and Hope Himself and are already in my future. Forgive my lack of trust in your Providence, for you met my greatest need, so why do I so quickly fail to trust you with all other needs of my heart? You came to forgive and to heal. My heart bursts with joy when I stop and ponder the great mysteries of your Love, your birth, your death, and your resurrection. Take all my worries from me, Lord Christ; I lay them at your holey feet. Fill my heart with a peace, oh Prince of Peace, that this world will never understand. Paz, Pax, Peace, Pace, Rauhaa... Jesus you are Lord. You are Truth. You are my Way, my only Hope, and I know I am yours forever. Amen.
Feliz Navidad. Merry Christmas. Felix Noelle. Hyvaa Jouluaa.
You are loved.
